Today 7/8/2024 I sent her a SOS. I don't know what's wrong but it's something... I should be happy. My sister just moved into her place... I knew her kids would be happy to have their own rooms - I remember being a kid and having your own room was something special. I didn't grow up in poverty nor did I group up rich, although I thought we were rich and we were... just not how modern day man defines rich. I had my own room as a child, my sister and I never had to share rooms

Today 7/7/2024 Let me start off by saying I am not going to re-write this... and I am watching The Craft on Max. I don't know what self- realization means even though that's the title I gave this and by re-writing I mean these typos that are forthcoming I am not going to correct them it's just a part of who I am, imperfect... having the urge to write but not the urge to read what I've written. What I am beginning to write is directly from my written journal although I can't c

Today June 28, 2024 I woke up this morning and could barely open my eyes... let me be clear this morning was 3am. I kept hearing the name Tonya. I was in pain and a lot of it... my eyes... stuck, I can barely open them. I'll be damned - watch your words. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. I have conjunctivitis. Pink Eye. Correction: Pink Eyes. Both Eyes. I flashback to my bracelet. My crystal protection bracelet that is letting me know.. it's about to break. Posit

All you need is one Family I understand why family isn't family, because it simply isn't we're all relatives building families relatives building family units Community there is one who has no sister but she had a cousin an auntie now she has a friend and a cousin and an auntie but why does it seem as if all she wants is a friend the friend became her sister the sister she never had the sister she thought she loss or is it lost is it ever both loss lost you never lose what yo

The wolf wears the sheep's clothing because it's afraid to look in the mirror it knows the mirror will offer one thing - reflection. When you really take the time to look in the mirror and truly see yourself, naked - are you accepting of what you see? Layers Peeling layers Aren't we all just wolves in sheep's clothing? plant based, meat eaters serenity, hostility introvert, extrovert vulnerable, resilient all rolled up into one becoming one, love love of self, the good & the

Surviving Pain by Tikisha Banks she came back but she didn't stay she didn't need me anymore or maybe I didn't need her anymore we didn't need each other anymore Today June 16, 2024 I was acting brand new because I knew all along I was not where I belong Where do I belong? I woke up out of my sleep. I had a dream. I had a dream... I grab my paper to write it down it was none there so here we are behind closed doors, the public journal it felt like I wanted to get close to it

Surviving Pain by Tikisha Banks The law of the Lord. If the Lord gives you everything you desire - what did you do to deserve it, what are you doing to preserve it? Is it about you or your Lord? Is the feeling you get, you know that feeling of overwhelming gratitude, gratefulness, just warm and fuzzy, I wish this moment could last forever feeling... is it for what you got or is the feeling because of who provided you with what you now have? Is it the gift or the giver? Both?

Surviving Pain by Tikisha Banks Today June 15, 2024 Groupie. Please. I heard it too I don't chase I attract. You attract what you are. What are you? What am I? I had a conversation with a friend today and I was too stunned to speak... she was right. The saying was right. We attract who we are... 2 words: Trauma Bond and if it's not a trauma bond, what is it? I think back to the skeletons in the closet... the shadows in the dark. Unbalanced. The Savior Complex. Ego. She told

Surviving Pain by Tikisha Banks Today June 14, 2024 I just read a quote that said: the coolest girls are the ones who stand up for each other I didn't look it up so I don't know who said it but it made me think... hummmm... Yes, I agree and I realize sometimes that being quiet is the best way to stand up for someone... say nothing at all, nothing, just I rather not discuss them without them being in our presence silence, silencing learning... my silent days are coming Band &

Bingo was his name O who remembers that song? Today June 11, 2024 The lovebirds (cardinals) are here. I watch them feed each other, mouth to mouth. I remember wanting love and marriage. Once upon a time I was a girl's girl. I embraced sisterhood. I even came up with this idea to have a sister circle. This past weekend I organized an event - and the "sister circle" attended drag queen bingo. Why I just look up and see a bird flying and shitting at the same time... ever have d

June 2, 2024 When they call you sis… the day of prosperity makes one forget adversity the day of adversity makes on forget prosperity in our prosperity we cannot know our friends in an adversity an enemy will not remain concealed when a man is successful even his enemy is friendly in adversity even his friend disappears never trust your enemy even though he acts humbly and peaceably toward you take care to be on your guard against him with his lips an enemy speaks sweetly but

The truth is I know my worth. Me, an individual My mindset Thoughts When I have nothing else I will have my right mind therefore I will always have something It’s nothing greater than wisdom …the world I live in has conditioned me to believe my worth is measured by what I do for work, what I own, who I’m dating, what my children do, how my body looks, who I know, amongst other measures in the field, naked, just bare skin on red dirt still I stand sun rays fuel me bright light

May 30, 2024 The motto: Grateful for one more day in love. Understood love Misunderstanding love Understanding Innerstanding I've been off work for 7 months now... I told my friend yesterday that I've learned how to receive. I've been trained - I don't know by who or why - to think that I can only be the giver... that whenever I receive I have to do something in return. I've given a lot. I've received a lot as well. I've been tremendously blessed from owning my own home - wh

We often look at our kids for who we want them to be instead of who we raised them to be… I was young. I was broken. I prayed for a son. I had a son, who saved my life but I never meant to break his while saving my own… A single mother not realizing the impact of a child not having both parents in the home… At the time I did my best… sure my parents did too. Choices. Consequences. I believe in God. It’s bigger… I know God. Jordan is my very own gift from God. I didn’t need t

Today, May 25, 2024 She said something to attack my appearance I do not like elderly people that feel as though they can say any and everything to a person I retaliated and said some harsh shit back to her her and the lady she was with walked away in disgust - not realizing that I simply replicated their actions hurt people hurt people, we are all hurting... hurt is inevitable ...but so is kindness, right? I told my cousin I wasn’t like a cold-blooded killer I was worse... I

May 15, 2024 I hear you can never trust somebody who wants your life... wolves wear sheep clothing. A wolf is loyal. Are sheep? Mask Off cause what... how did I not see you when I was there? This meet and greet is getting ridiculous. Guess it's not working out for us both. TOMATOES but whatever Patterns of Behavior - Robert Greene God told me to stop talking. It seems as if every time I talk, I get it wrong. I jump to conclusions. I add people in on the conversation... help

Dear God, I'm scared. I can't lose my house. I don't have any money. I can't take this anymore. Take Me. Save Me. Suicide Awareness call or text 988 CDC.gov Suicide rates increased approximately 36% between 2000–2022. Suicide was responsible for 49,476 deaths in 2022, which is about one death every 11 minutes. The number of people who think about or attempt suicide is even higher. In 2022, an estimated 13.2 million American adults seriously thought about suicide, 3.8 million

It's May 1, 2024. I never thought about all of the steps involved to be in position. What does in position mean to you? Today, right now in this moment what are you preparing for? What steps are you taking to be in position? This isn't an overthinking moment either... actually overthinking - my blog, my opinion - is not trusting God or yourself. It's a form of worry... over by definition mean in excessive manner. Why would thinking excessively ever be justified? Stop! We pro

Today April 27, 2024 time 5:55 EST A lie. A made up story? A verb, to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive If I've told myself something so many times and believe it to be true, can it still be a lie? If I've told myself something so many times and you were there with me but you see the situation differently in your eyes - who's story is a lie? You know sometimes we just ask the wrong questions... a lie is based on intent. Intent is everything. It's all about the i

The TikTok creator Tiera Chante' @thenewearthgoddess came across my FYP page and I went to scroll but something told me to stop and listen she starts talking about nudges you never know what is going on in the background she mentions March 6 I think of what this day means to me, last year March 6 living the good life, working, bills paid, getting ready for friendbdaycation and then then I felt changes becoming more in tune with my surroundings, my dreams, you know the signs