One more day in love

May 30, 2024

The motto: Grateful for one more day in love.

Understood love

Misunderstanding love

Understanding

Innerstanding

I've been off work for 7 months now... I told my friend yesterday that I've learned how to receive. I've been trained - I don't know by who or why - to think that I can only be the giver... that whenever I receive I have to do something in return. I've given a lot. I've received a lot as well. I've been tremendously blessed from owning my own home - which I should say purchasing my own home because you don't own it until it is paid in full, free and clear... to luxury cars, designer shoes and handbags... you know whatever things we call "blessings". All to be unemployed with my financial livelihood on the line...

Blessings.

Curses.

Debt.

after just filing bankruptcy for the second time in 2018, it's 2024

Stuff.

Growth is me realizing that tangible items are essential but they don’t necessarily equal a blessing… I think of a how a house isn’t a home. My house is a home because of my love, my love for my son, my family. I think of the material things that just sit… mainly because I’m in the house all the time but I knew that about me so why do I need so much… you know I like nice things, we all do - who actually says “I like bad things” said no one ever… but I missed the mark with prioritizing. I missed the mark with being greedy, excess.

I know the difference between overflow and overflow.

Overflow and Overflow

so many thoughts in my head

Chapter 48 has been interesting

I think of how I haven’t had a car in 7 months but I’m still provided for… how my friends show up for me… literally sipping wine just because I sent a random text saying I wish I had some wine… they say a closed mouth doesn’t get fed… speak what you want… speak what you need… speak… words are powerful…

The Most High forced me to learn what giving and receiving meant for me...

Budget. I know how to budget very well. I would rate myself intermediate with advanced being the highest. However, when do the rules apply to yourself?

Who came up with - I make the rules, I don't follow them? If I had followed my own rules. I would be retired by now... I think of how my life has been during the past 7 months. Truth is I've had some help in addition to collecting unemployment income but I've survived - without some of the things I thought were essentials for survival... literally... my automobile, retwists, manicures, pedicures, shoes, purses, concerts... I won't say clothes cause I'm going to buy some clothes ...fine dining regularly and whatever else... and I'm happy with no stuff but I'm stressed with no money... role reversal if I had no stuff I'd have money... but the stuff was making me happy...

Right?

Lights. Camera. Action.

it's go time

Power.

think about it power

this is how my brain works

I think of power based on a sense of acting from my lower self, that I am stagnant with my growth

if I'm at my lower self I'm acting from a place of insecurity, jealously, and whatever else negative emotion, unhealed emotion there is

giving my power away to another entity fueled by insecurities, jealously, and whatever else

that same power can be flipped

the higher self, the next level because we are always leveling up but for the sake of today's get this out of my brain and on fake paper we'll call this higher self... I'm holding my position as higher self until I'm demoted to lower self

you know that other saying something about for a season, nothing lasts forever

the characters in your movie change

Love. Love is forever.

higher self me isn't giving my power away - I'm secure within myself, I've learned balance

more importantly - I know I'll make plenty more mistakes but I also know all things work together for good... it always works out

lower self me well that is an entirely different story, she's a monitoring spirit... she's giving her power away... spending time on TikTok granted it's a very informational platform but spending 4 or 5 hours on there it's getting ridiculous... the countless of strangers I've monitored... and if I am acting from an unhealed trauma place I'm on some return to sender type shit and I'm the sender... so many things I could be doing... enrolled in classes but not doing the classwork... novels sitting around never read... haven't cooked a meal in years... weeds growing in the yard like crazy... not walking consistently... about 20 loads of laundry... girl what is life?!?!?

I have to ask my own self what am I doing?!?! What the fuck am I doing?

stuff is stuff. I like stuff. I don't need stuff. I want stuff. I want a waterfront home with a balcony off of my bedroom... privacy, excluding luxury... I like stuff. I want stuff. Home is where the heart is. I want to invest in my home. Love. Home is where the heart is. My heart is love.

less is more

more is less

Priorities. Necessities. Luxuries. Individuality. Independence. Freedom.

What have I learned?

Move slow. Boundaries. Balance. Strength. Self-Love. Faith. Trust. Dedication. Commitment.

I still need to learn the true essence of giving and receiving - tit for tat - balance - equality

She said something like she may not cook but she can clean

She, I may not be able to do all things

but nevertheless I am a total package

wait for Christ sake - I can do all things through Christ.

give and receive

where I am weak may those in my life be strong

where they are weak may I be strong

strong enough to stand by them in the light as well as in the dark

strong enough to understand we all process things differently

strong enough to know walking away doesn’t mean hate but just that I’d hate myself if I didn’t walk away

strong enough to voice what you need

strong enough to accept what you want, especially when it’s given from someone or somewhere else

strong enough to know The Most High may use other sources to put us back together

strong enough to take the blame while blameless

The cycle of life is being used, we all need one another for some reason or another... isn't that why we come into each other's lives? But when is enough is enough. When is giving too much? When is taking too much? How do I know I'm doing enough? How do I know when I'm doing too much? When do I just tell myself stop? no?

If you can't listen to yourself... if you can't trust yourself... Who can you trust?

I trust Tikisha. I follow my intuition.

I'm just happy for another day, one more day in love.

Another attempt in getting in right... focusing on what's happening today... being in the moment... allowing myself positive thoughts... allowing myself positive outcomes...

released the scarcity mindset

receiving

Learning to do life on my level whatever that means… making mistakes, getting it right, hurting those I love, those I love hurting me, making mends, celebrating love, communicating, learning, teaching, praying, rituals, practicing gratitude, enjoying nature

simply going moment by moment, on this day because right now is all I have - the rest of today isn’t promised…

Today is a good day

I don’t know if I’m going to stay in or go out and play

I remember being a kid

I didn’t do a lot of things the other kids did

but I was loved my parents were sent from the heavens above

we didn’t always fit like a glove

it might not have been the life we dreamed of

but life is what you make it

What are you making of your life?

Co-create with The Most High

Do I push the button… why am I stalling? Is it that hard for you to get on the elevator with me? Why do I want you on the elevator? Clearly you don’t want to get on there with me? Right? You don’t want to see me go up? The memories. They flash. Split seconds.

The doors begin to close.

June thru December

1/2 way so what’s next

I’m going outside in the spiritual realm, leaving the physical behind. The alignment of The Most High.

I call my power back!

An excellent read the bible, book of Sirach. Wisdom.

I have so much learning to do, so my prayer will always include wisdom.

May 31, 2024 …a day of celebration

I rejoice in the Lord.

I’m excited but now I flashback… this isn’t what I wanted but it may be what I need, if I surrendered I’m letting go I’m being led by the Holy Spirit. I quiet my mind. I let all of me be still. Nothing. I chant just this.

Resentment is coming

Anger is coming

Stagnation is coming

I’m still. I’m casting cares. I’m protected.

I surrender to the Lord.

I stay silent.

I write. I trust. I wait on the Lord.

The Lord told me to not lean on my understanding and I was also told my paths would be straight and more importantly that nothing was impossible.

Cast your cares

A just man will never be undisturbed

I talk to myself biblically

I cast spells spiritually

understand me

me

the me that I am

not the me that you used to know

not the me that you want me to be

this me

me that is changing everyday

me that I’m learning

I add more memories to my memory box.

The snake is shedding skin, transforming.

The thief intervenes with no facts and is rejected.

The wolf is sheep’s clothing is sad, hurt, crying.

The runner is watching, stalking, researching.

The bride is marrying for money.

The bully is relocating.

The love triangle gets a bad reputation.

Groupies have screenshots.

The drama starter receives an offer.

It all ends where it starts.

Hooked. Winning. Traveling.

555

Capricorn, Aquarius, Scorpio energy

My foundation is being laid.

Magic is happening all around me.

The seniority has been reinstated.

Birth.

Rebirth.

Peonies.