Chapter 48 Betrayal ...dear diary

Today June 28, 2024

I woke up this morning and could barely open my eyes... let me be clear this morning was 3am.

I kept hearing the name Tonya.

I was in pain and a lot of it... my eyes... stuck, I can barely open them. I'll be damned - watch your words. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.

I have conjunctivitis. Pink Eye. Correction: Pink Eyes. Both Eyes.

I flashback to my bracelet. My crystal protection bracelet that is letting me know.. it's about to break.

Positive thoughts for me Positive thoughts for others Kindness

discernment. Zach. Sisters.

In your eye.

37. He had a baby on her. Derwin.

When they love you they show you like they've never shown you love before and you feel in on the inside because they love you, it's simple

404

...it's fucked up how she did me, but hurt people hurt people it's always some healing to do

What's your favorite candy?

Everything always works out.

Everything? Everything.

A chocolate cherry sunflower? What is that?

Today, June 30, 2024 well it's been today but I just forgot to plug that in

I felt like a character in a storybook but nevertheless it was true

I truly believed everything works out because everything has always worked out

all things work together

what they say stop right there? ok...

so why do they keep going if it was stop right there?

let's stop and not add in any more "conditions"

can't we read this with our interpretation?

better yet our own imagination? let's spice things up a bit

just tried

what could it hurt

All things work together period

I whisper stop, right there

I felt it in my soul

I don't know what I just did

wait it was 453 but it was 454

do I get it back

a do over?

What do I chose?

I chose the Most High God to lead my way day by day

I chose the Most High God to lead my way day by day

The mom is just a little girl herself. :)

I love you mama.

I realized and what I, Tikisha Banks, understand to be true for me is

we are all jugglers

at first I said God was the jugglers

then I thought of the Most High God

you know, since we're Psalm 82 gods

The Most High is within in us

he can't be the juggler and us the well

whatever we are afraid to drop

we are all jugglers having free will balance

it's what are we juggling

what are you holding on to so tight, what are you letting go of too loosely

What I understand is an unhealed person well aware of their "issues" even in therapy working on their issues and is kind to the person in their life that has already healed on that level, those same "issues" bring balance

you looking forward or maybe you looking forward

either way it's you looking at you

a mirror

trying to adjust to make sure you feel beautiful to you

when you help people work on them

NO ill-intent

whether you know the assignment directly

a gut feeling that you don't know why but for some reason you just can't let go

or

indirectly you're just being your kind self

and just truly innocently oblivious to the entire situation

you know what it's like or you've felt the energy of others to know what it feels like

lay they hands on you... we've all heard that... somehow the energy is transmuted

you know - I always feel better after I talk to this person

That person is who you need to protect, even if you don't keep them because they will always pray for you if they are actin from their reversed self, the self talking back to you saying yeah girl that's cute or maybe try this but that self never ever let's you feel down it’s simple do you feel good with them

Do you feel uplifted?

Does that person exist in the physical?

Probably not... and if it does, you're blessed. Ok, Chosen One.

Cheers! Seriously...

with great honor

is that person not really a person but it's the Most High God

Cheers! Double Seriously!

because you have conquered your shadow self

So many levels… gotta figure it out on your own!

if you see somebody in the shadow that you are trying to impress without seeing yourself first, that is your dust... the skeleton in your closet... release it... release it

let go

it's fine, just let go

New Beginnings. 111. All love. Love.

What did I say love was? it's both an action and reaction

trusting the Most HIgh God's love more than anything else

teaches you to

know the difference between react and act

Psalm 116

The vow

I think of the vow I made to the Most High treat the Sabbath Holy and for me well, it was no social media and only things spiritual for the most part… never said I was perfect… whether that is reading while talking to a friend or reading while sitting alone or driving to the store that is closed on Sunday because you had a gut feeling today was going to be the last day of your journaling in this book and I wanted the same book the exact same book so off to Hobby Lobby I go

reverse the same why didn't I want something different

comfort and comfort is good

why are we taught that we don't deserve comfort and that if it's too comfortable something bad is going to happen?

Death comes first, remember that.... death and life are in the power of the tongue

I speak life over my life and my family's life and remember family is what we build, which includes the relative, friends, or whatever other label we've given them

Balance. Opposites Attract. Perspective. Resilience.

Resilience. It just keeps going even when at time you feel like it should stop... it just keeps going

now you're confused

again

Start healing

Get you some people in your life that have healed in areas where you want to be

whether you call it sisterhood or community

get some people that will balance you out

they will let you know that while they understand what you are doing is wrong they are hoping the energy they are giving off is feeding your soul in a healthy way - they are being kind because they are asking themselves who are they to say what is wrong…

what you do with that energy, well that's on you and your source

My source, the Most High is allowing lessons to happen in my life to lead me into the next season

summer did just start

the next season of my life

it's been quiet, calming, but with noise in a distance

The noise sounds like it's getting closer.

A fire.

Birds.

Navigation.

We are headed north from the south.

Navigation.

Moon. Stars. Sun. Planets. Cosmos. Universe. The Most High God.

Signs. Synchronicities. Navigation.

South for the winter.

Our ancestors fed our blood to those trees the birds nest in

the birds watch over us

for generations to generations

the birds

loyalty

wrong or right, no matter the weather, they tell us they fly south for winter

is that true? do all birds fly south? south... if you live in the north like me that's going down but really is it ever going up so if we are conditioned to believe that we have to fly south in the winter we will never change our mindset

Why are we going down?

Mindfulness.

sometimes things are going to come fast, and go fast

you may even hear it in a distance

but keep going

the birds are watching over us

you just have to understand your own navigation system

don't forget the birds have predators

natural habit

I won't shit on her porch.

Mindfulness.

I am constantly retraining my thoughts, so I'm never like I was the day before... and if I am because never say never cause it's some deep-rooted hurt and takes some deep-rooted strength to spout out of the dried up dirt

skeletons

not mud, moist

dirt dry

to be so small

a seed, new to this experience

to get through pushing all of that

no measurements, my crisis is huge to me and I allow yours to be huge to you

then I realize it

it's two

Two sprouted out of the dried up dirt

he wasn't alone I was just a little bit shorter

in the pot it looks like they are separate

123

the big plant... it's where it started and the two sprouted...

the roots

intertwined

The way my soul intertwined with yours I am scared to ask God if I committed a sin because I know I did - so can I plead my case

is this the committee?

Psalm 82:1

I do nothing will ill intent. They tell us confusion is of the devil. What if we've said and heard that just enough times is it a muscle memory kinda thing or whatever it's called... so we say it to ourselves and overthink more

because we've invited the death right in to our life in our words when we say confusion is of the devil are our minds sophicated enough to process rule out devil before it's heard or do we hear devil being spoken over our lives and then

then at that time do we retrain our thoughts to speak life, after we've already spoken death

What does it take to speak life?

a lot of hard work

Immaturity, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast

Loyalty. Recover. Flourish. Real Conversations. Balance.

Help

define help - to give assistance or support to

when help is when it just is... present Prescence ...is, it just is

it's not bad, its established boundaries, its respect, its juggling, it's BALANCE

I am pretty sure I am not going to reread this so I hope it makes sense

Question Mark

I hear cease and desist. Is this my last diary enter? Ahead of the game A head of the game.

I talk too much?

Blocked.

211 to 112

Bride

161

Tv mounted on a tree

Reversed. No ill intent. Energy. Reversed. Unbothered.

Never intent to harm, just be a better version which was the crime itself, the unknown crime who's to say what version is "better"

Again what is better?

OMG Jordyn in that dress gorg

(I can't pronounce abaya... awe or uh baya don't come for me I am being honest)

Life, I have so many questions?!??!?! Cease. 113

run in packs

I am connected to source.

Addiction. Single. Divinity. Celibacy.

abstention by vow from marriage

the vow

the vow I made, my Sabbath vow

from marriage

Give. Receive. Balance. Juggler.

I don’t want to send ill intent towards anyone consciously or unconsciously. I want to heal.

Maybe it is a better, I want to be better

it’s only better when I’m comparing myself to myself

but I shall not compare myself to anyone else

Cease.

Keep us safe.

Level 8