Colossal Hostile

Today, May 25, 2024

She said something to attack my appearance

I do not like elderly people that feel as though they can say any and everything to a person

I retaliated and said some harsh shit back to her

her and the lady she was with walked away in disgust - not realizing that I simply replicated their actions

hurt people hurt people, we are all hurting... hurt is inevitable ...but so is kindness, right?

I told my cousin I wasn’t like a cold-blooded killer I was worse...

I don't remember his response... I only remember being triggered by the elderly relative.

It was all a dream... a vivid dream... but the truth is, I am worse.

Yesterday I watched Bruce Almighty and I ended up drifting in and out but I remember Bruce asking for signs... the actual signs he saw caution, dead end... he hits a tree.

How many signs have you ignored?

How many trees have you hit in your life?

I've ignored so many signs. I've hit so many trees.

The cost of the repairs are getting more expensive... I'm trying to maneuver differently.

Slower.

Yesterday my son left and sent a text with no details of where he was going, it more about what he was going to do but not his exact location. When I saw his location I panicked. Well, who am I kidding when I got the text I panicked. My love. Boy Mom. I know he's a 28 year old adult. I know I raised him as best I could... I know he can handle himself. Yet and still I know how cruel the world can be, especially to America's biggest threat - the black man. I simply feel more at ease when I know he's home. I prayed. I was making myself crazy with all the scenarios I had concocted in my head. It was time... not time to phone a friend. It was time to confront this attachment. This negative spirit. It was time to pray. I told myself God loves you without a shadow of a doubt so you know he loves your son. I thought of how bad things happen to good people. I told myself death and life are in the power of the tongue. Tikisha what you're not going to do is speak any ill over yourself or your son. I remember the 23rd and 91st Psalm I had read just that morning... I remember God's promises. I remember my promises to myself. I asked God to calm my nerves, because truth is I want my son to enjoy the goodness of living life. I recited Psalms 55:22 cast your burdens on the Lord ...and I did just that. I said I was going to write in my journal about the feelings I were having, but I didn't. I just prayed. I recited "all things work together for good" repeatedly. While I know that's not the entire verse in Romans 8 - that was all I needed because no matter what it always works out. I don't even remember falling asleep. A deep sleep. A peaceful sleep. He came home around 1am. I woke up right at the moment of him pulling into the driveway... and shortly afterward I drifted back to sleep. I am certain I was back to sleep before he even entered his room. I truly believe it was God that woke me up letting me know - see told you, I got you.

Relax

Covering

It's nothing like the prayers of a praying woman

I think of my mother... I think of her prayers for her family... protection prayers

The blessing of having a prayer elder in your life.

The blessings of having a direct connection with source.

Who do you cover in your prayers?

Who covers you in their prayers?

I'm just keeping it real... on our podcast Uakeisha always speaks about praying for her enemies

maybe God is trying to speak to me through her because I'm not that girl... I pray for them alright but it goes more like a Psalm 109, igniting the prayer against an enemy... I'm becoming more of a return to sender type of girl. I used to feel a certain way about the return to sender...

I thought it was cruel.

How is it cruel to reciprocate what was given to you? ...when my empathy goes too far, I don't want to hurt anyone or see them hurt yet I'm in pain!??! or maybe it is when you're raised to believe it's okay to ignore your feelings for the sake of others

Shadow Work

I can hear the word "coexist"

The bible teaches us to resist evil, turn the other cheek...

But I say to you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you;

It also tell us "vengeance is mine saith the Lord"

I wait on him. If I said I could be worse than a cold-blooded killer... heaven only knows what my Lord can be... floods and fire.

David told me the Lord will never allow the righteous to be shaken. Let me define righteous for you (of a person or conduct) morally right or justifiable; virtuous...

Proverbs 31, a virtuous woman.

Me. ...my goal, rising while it is still night... planting vineyards... strength, perseverance

Her mouth speaks wisdom.

I asked God to talk to me through signs & synchronicities. I

asked him to only send me information that is valuable.

I enjoy a good laugh but sitting laughing and talking all day isn't productive.

I pray for wisdom. I pray to be spirit-led. I pray for discernment. Evolving. Leveling up.

I pray for things money cannot buy because I know if I am using my discernment, being spirit-led, and making wise decisions there is nothing I can't have and more importantly I always have what I need.

Pause. Father God, the Most High God, I thank you for providing me with the soft life. I remember saying the weekends were my dream days... it's when I pretended I was independently wealthy.

They say fake it until to make it... Mama, I made it. I've lived long enough to know the importance of having, no needing money but I know wealth has nothing to do with a dollar. My soft life is now.

Casting my burdens... it's nothing I can't handle because truth is it's already handled before it even reaches me. This is how I win. This is why I win. I win.

Nothing is impossible when your life is right with God

with God with God with God

I am so confident in my walk that I know his opinion is the only opinion that matters.

I am so aware of my light that I will not dim it for others nor will I allow others to borrow my light in any way shape or form ...electricity is not free, I cost... absolutely nothing is free anymore.

A good spirit. An evil spirit. There will always be light and dark. There are some that may think it's light vs dark. I think it is a balance. I think we need dark in order to shine. I think we shine to see the dark. The question is - who defines what is good, evil, light and/or dark? Mere humans?

good evil

light dark

right wrong

doing things just to belong

doing the opposite does that make me strong

it's all just a blur

I have no memories of things that once were

it's a new beginning for me

sipping tea working on my degree

I declare and decree Psalms 23

it doesn't matter if you agree

I shall not want I fear no evil

it should be illegal to cause this much upheaval

lethal not feeble

soaring through life high like an eagle

in the presence of my enemies birds eye view

monkey see but monkey don't do

venturing down a new avenue

counting my revenue

these hundreds blue

just for me and my crew

time for an audit more like a review

performance scales

remember the devil is in the details

did you add value or devalue

did your love prevail

don't tell a tale or tattle tale

He knows what is said

aloud and in your head

He is the judge and jury

He brings the fury ...don't act too prematurely, think about it fully

it doesn't matter to me one way or another

I live every day without my mother

but never without God #1 on my squad he is my rod

when I sob the universe becomes my mob

Tikisha, the apostle... The Most High is collecting my tears in a bottle to go full throttle

colossal

hostile

The bible speaks a lot about being there for your enemy. I guess we need to establish what or who an enemy is... by definition it means a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something -or- a thing that harms or weakens something else.

An enemy doesn't exist to me... how could I let something weaken me? Truth is… we do have enemies. I have enemies. I think of those in my light that try to dim my light. I think of those in my life that don’t turn the switch to make my light shine brighter.

I think of those that offer no substance to me.

Enemies.

Weakening me.

Energy vampires.

Monitoring Spirits.

The wanting to be uplifted, loved, supported but never act the same way towards others…

The support behind closed doors.

Do you give what you want to receive?

Maybe you don’t give at all…

I think if the things I’ve done for others. It’s not tit for tat but truth is we all want some tit… who really wants their own well to run dry?!?!

A dry well. I’ve had my share of being dried out. I’ve also had my share of overflow. As The Most High is working on and through me I pray all my connections are in alignment, we are all titting and tatting together, for one another. Balance. Love. Kindness.

Is there ever 50/50 or is it always 80/20?

The cycle of life is giving.

People are weakening.

The covering is being removed.

The veil is thinning.

I never claim to be perfect.

I never claim to know everything.

I am grateful.

I am learning.

I am trying to become a better person...

for now, I'm simply me... worse than a cold-blooded killer

guns and roses I used to love her

just like black used to be my favor color

I thought I knew you but it's a new you

seasons change and people do too

it's almost summer

out and about looking dumb and dumber

red lips red toes a red bloody nose

I hand you a tissue

I want to kill you but I don't ...you're already dead

decompose ...no I won't expose you

metamorphosis ...justice

The Most High God is always working on me, for me, and through me.

It's the Sabbath. I think I'll study Matthew today... heavy on Chapter 5.

Flip side… ever thought about those people who say they are praying for you… What is your spiritual life like with God? Do you believe in God? Do you believe what I believe? What exactly are you saying? Is that even the prayer I want to be prayed on my behalf?

Do you ask before you intercede?

Covering. Levels.

The random thoughts inside of my head:

Twins

Sets of 2

lovebirds, finch, cardinals, red winged blackbird

Lotus Flower Enlightenment

Stamps

Letters

Communication

Black White

Ying Yang

Purple

Brown

Throat Chakra

27

Heart Love

Pink

Clouds

Balloon

Red

8

Sunflower Action

Summer

Bright

Sun

Clear Skies

34

Feather Messages

Peacock

Sand

Beach

7

Evil Eye Protection

Computer

Stickers

Blue

Green

Plants

1

Firefly Wonder

Summer Nights

Lightning Bugs

Trees

Movie Nights

44

Yield Patience

Slow Down

Trees

3

Stars Divine Guidance

Christmas

33

Skull Endings

November

Books

Shelves

African Artifacts

29

Key Opportunity

Comics

Open Doors

17

Mirror Reflection

Globe

Lights

20

Fence Boundaries

White

Dream

Fall

Power Lines Energy

Flowing

36

Mountains Obstacles

Open Road

Mustard Seed

Faith

5

Cowrie Shell Abundance

Parchment Paper

25