Silent Days

The TikTok creator Tiera Chante' @thenewearthgoddess came across my FYP page and I went to scroll but something told me to stop and listen

she starts talking about nudges

you never know what is going on in the background

she mentions March 6

I think of what this day means to me, last year March 6

living the good life, working, bills paid, getting ready for friendbdaycation

and then

then I felt changes becoming more in tune with my surroundings, my dreams, you know the signs & synchronicities

I pause

this is how you receive your information, your path from The Most High God

directs my steps

711 on the right track

nevertheless I tend to fall back in to the sunken place

I started my menstrual today

I think back to the previous months

noted - my PMS isn't cravings it's certainly mood swings

spiritual mood swings are putting me in the hole... when I stop reading the 23 Psalm and anointing my head on the daily basis I fall into the hole, your hell on earth

while you're in the hole you are back at your root

shaking, cold, don't know what to do can't see right in front of your face

all you can see is your past

every single past mistaken you've ever made

and you replay them

in slow motion

over and over and over again

and the more you replay it the more you see more mistakes

Lord Jesus

how could I be so stupid you showed me so many times

I am worth nope don't say it just dumb stupid

Just take me now... I know somebody wants to stay, take me instead

I'm tired

then I see my son, his smile, his nice teeth

I hear my granddad is picking me up

I smile on the inside the two men that I love

I hear my sister and my nieces

I say God why would I ever want to leave this so soon

over bills

money

I tell myself yes bitch because money is important don't play dumb just because you felt a little gushy

but it was more than gushy, it was more than just love, it was hope

glimpses, flashes

on the couch with my cousin silence, misery ......................grief

same room

laughter

It was hope.

Nope, don't have a lot of money. Yes, all my bills are paid. My credit cards are not paid in full, but the minimum payment is paid.

I forgive myself for past financial mistakes. I release all guilt associated with money mishandling. I release overspending. I recognize although I like nice things material things are meaningless. I release not knowing when to say no to myself and others. I recognize I am not a savior. I trust myself to make wiser financial decisions and I am now attracting financial abundance and prosperity back into my life. I break all generational financial curses for my family now and forever.

Matthew 6:24 You cannot serve both God and money.

My niece said so Tete why were you sad for those days while jumping on the trampoline

I sad I don't have money money

She said well you have friends you go places with can't remember her exacts words after that but she ended it with "just be grateful".

When I live in the now in this exact moment

I am happy

I am living the happiest life I've ever lived

Yes, I miss my mother but her gift to me when I said a part of me died with her was rest

rest to rebuild myself to stitch my skin back up to allow myself to grieve her death but to also know it's too late what was was you're in the now baby go get what you want

I'm going to get what I want.

Elevator up, the penthouse

I am coming for everything that I convinced myself that I couldn't have.

You can get the Kleenex from Target and not off brand from Dollar Tree. Goddess, if you like Puffs get Puffs.

simple things, the current penthouse view

I need silent days. No talking.

There are so many things that are unlocking in my journey. I see more

There are levels. Demotion happens as well.

be intentional everyday all day

every single choice has a consequence

silent days

no talking more listening more reading

less thinking less begging less cursing

silent days

Rest

Gratitude

Trust

I take this time to rest, figure out what you really want to do

Word is - nothing is impossible

focus on that, softly it may be a while before you have another opportunity like this so go slow listen wait until it's clear make the move

Trust the process

Remember, I'm in the hole at the bottom

Menstruating

I think of the TikTok and while I don't remember what he said but what I remember for myself is my blood on this tree nourishes my generation and those after me

as this land all of it is built on our blood

my enslaved ancestors

I am woman

I am beautiful

I am a goddess.

I am a goddess.

like a lotus, out the mud

I'm up

I spend the day with my friend... it had been a very long time since we had girl time and now we're both at different points in our lives - I am certain she wouldn't mind me sharing this - and it just felt good to have a day of girl talk... releasing... reminding one another how beautiful we are inside and outside... no judgment of ourselves or others... offering to help a young lady by volunteering our time since we are both now "laid off" or in my case "on call" unemployed in the mortgage industry

I had a good day above ground, out of my hole

Pay attention to your triggers... the timing of when you are triggered...

time of day, where you are at, what you ate, who you were around ...just any little random thing you notice when you realize something triggered you

Triggered... you don't always have to fire

Pause

if you give everything else your attention what attention do you have left to give yourself

yourself

boundaries

What is taking from me that is allowing me to jump in mud? I don't even like to get dirty for real. I want a garden, but I don't want to be a gardener. I don't want to jump into the mud. I am a goddess. I know my worth and I stand on that, my minimum requirements, at all times. There are no exceptions.

A shadow. Is someone pushing me in the mud? Who is that behind me?

I deserve a soft life.

Yes, girl you do too whatever that looks like for you - you truly deserve a soft life.

Goddess to Goddess.

I need monthly silent days.

I feel reconnected with God when I disconnect from my world, my family and friends.

Do not disturb. I don't know how many days I need. They wait

All praises to The Most High God for allowing me to see I wasn't in a hole or a sunken place. I was in my closet. I was not down in worry but I was up in praise for where I was right then in those moments of my life.

My life is looking nothing how I imaged it and yet certain aspects of my life look better than I've ever dreamed off... life, air, smell, wind, birds ....went a long time not being able to smell

life with my family and friends

"the things that we cannot see in background" Tiera Chante'

and to think the rush of it all having my friend take me what 30 miles from my house to get my purse back because I wanted to delete my Instagram page and that was my main form of contacting the artist

As usual I don't feel like rereading this one

She said Tete why did you start feeding the birds anyway?

Me I don't know something told me to feed them so I did

outside resets me, grounded all over again, it's sparks instant alignment

The Bible written by man so much about religion vs spirituality

Luke 12 The Parable of the Rich Fool

Care & Anxiety

consider the ravens

me feeding the birds is a literal reminder of what having trust in God means

I see Woodpeckers, Common Grackles, Cardinals...

and once I saw a Hummingbird I couldn't believe my eyes, another time a Blue Jay

I'm reminded that somehow someway each one of those birds were led to my house because they were led by The Most High God ...as I co-create my life I too will look up

I might have to rent this movie UP this is the 2nd time I've written about it and 3rd time it's been mentioned.

I am a goddess and I require my flowers now.

I worship The Most High God and I honor my ancestors

my grandmother's bible says

How much more are ye better than the fowls?

The fowls... the controversy... but more of the question

I get confused and I'm just a girl trying to learn.

Can somebody explain Genesis 20?

Abraham says his wife is his sister

the daughter of my father though not the daughter of my mother

and she became my wife

huh

I pray that my ancestors are healed. I imagine hearing this and what my young not educated in schooling, not educated in life mind would have processed this... present day I can't process it?!?!?!?!

how did we all get here my brothers and sisters

did the world start from siblings

the incest mentality - Sodom & Gomorrah - never destroyed because it was written and read repeated

I pray we all heal and get the answers we need to live lives as good people.

I told ya'll my brain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!