Chapter 48 Animism ...dear diary

Today 7/9/2024

Understanding the path

I am ready to reach new heights, but first I must stop looking down ...and backwards.

We love to tell people how to live their life when our own life is in shambles, but maybe just maybe the shambles are where the lessons are learned, the shambles are where we having teaching moments.

The shambles.

The house is a mess, dusty... the carpet is dirty. It needs more than a vacuum, it needs to be replaced.

When do you know it's time for something to just be replaced? It's not broken, still functions but simply needs to be replaced or maybe it is broken and you just need to get a new one.

It's 7:00am.

I need to get to work.

I ask God to give me strength, guidance. How do I do what I love and generate an income to live the life I love, the life I deserve to live?

What is "I deserve"? It's the measurement that only you can give... nobody else can tell you what you deserve, nobody knows you as well as you know yourself... we can say oh she deserves that promotion because she worked so hard for it... but is that always the case? Because we saw her work hard it does it mean she deserves it? What if the promotion limited or was a blockage of what she truly deserved? I intermingle my deserve with the will of God.

I laugh, girl... what does intermingle even mean?!?!

I'm learning a lot of words that I use daily don't mean what I think they mean... intermingle does.

The will of God.

Direct my paths.

When I am weak make me strong.

Strength.

A caged lion still has its strength.

I can see the pain in his eyes, but the pain doesn't make him weak. It makes him wiser. He knows when to use his strength or maybe it's better said as he knows how to use his strength...

Did I give my terms and conditions statement yet? There will be typos or maybe they are hidden messages. Who knows... you do.

I pause because while there are so many things flowing through me ready to get out I know I have priorities. However, my soul burns, this... this is my priority, so I keep going. My passion.

One of the hardest things I've had to do is work in Corporate America. I've been laid off a lot of time, even quit a few jobs during my career in the mortgage industry. However, it wasn't until this particular time in my life that I realized how hard it was to - conform.

Conform to rules, to the way they wanted me to do things. The price I had to pay for freedom.

8:13 Real Talk Kim

The way you leave one season is how you enter another

Give people grace

This morning I prayed for grace and mercy. I need to learn to act in what I pray for... does that make sense? I pray for grace so I need to act in a place of giving grace.

The whole world may be working together in my favor, but it doesn't revolve around me.

All things. I am just 1 part of all things.

Damn, I missed her topic... did she say the topic?

I love how she compliments herself. I'm a very good boss. I tell myself speak more life over my life. I know I have a good heart and act with good intentions.

She said you need one person that you need to bounce stuff off of... someone you trust, respect

don't act from your emotions

wait

somethings that are said can't be taken back

"Dry bones coming back to life"

Impulse

People love to hear your drama

They love for people to fail

They love to get your blood

Ok... all this is from me watching Real Talk Kim on TikTok. She is speaking!!!!

We are in our flesh. She ain't never lied because it's my flesh that wants a husband, I chuckle...

She said you owe someone an apology...

I think about when Uakeisha asked me on the podcast if I needed to apologize to somebody... I still don't think there is anyone I need to apologize to

Kim mentions talking about your boss that pays you... well sometimes Kim it's not the boss that pays us... chain of command. Talking with the correct intentions is a good thing. Growth. I grow each and every week as I sit talking on the podcast.

Kids don't listen they watch you - truth!

Her topic: Dead bones live.

All of the funky stuff has to leave us, it has to GO!

Okay I get now... she's talking about gossip.

Anytime your words cause someone to lose someone that they could grow and learn under

I think about that one

Losing someone that brings you growth, is failure - my words.

Rise up, tell your dead dry bones to live

It always your way

You gotta know how to move in and out of seasons

Don't let people dictate your spirit

Community.

She's right, we need community. While I don't agree with the church building concept I do believe in community

Words. Defaming character.

I think of the podcast as Kim is talking.

It may not be for you, but it's for someone else.

you go back after a bad experience... restaurants, jobs ...you go back

but you turn on people, loved ones - my words

The enemy comes through feelings - Kim's words

Beware.

Free Will.

Hurt causes you to be mean.

Kim said when you roll your eyes write it down - focus on the why, what bothered you?

I think of winking and how I read that in Proverbs.

Eyes are the windows to the soul.

Rolling. Winking.

Pray for those who persecute you... over and over and over

I pray with Kim. Lord, make my heart your home. Help my mouth, heal my heart, heal anything that needs to me healed, take away this shame, clean me up God! Lord, give me spiritual amnesia let me focus more on what you know about me. Keep my mind and hear stayed on you father God.

This!

A reply to every single text annoys me. I pray for me. I pray because isn't what we all want is a reply, a response... to know we are being heard, seen???

2:49pm

I decide to read my previous blog post, 2010 Just Wright because I'm curious to see how or if my view from February had changed...

I lay on the floor with both my laptop and my cellphone and I begin to read -

Who are my chosen ones?

Support. Connect. Harmony. Endings.

Prepare Yourself. Cancer.

I realize now cancer isn't medical or a disease. It's a timeframe, June-July.

Disease, dis (not having) ease.

support, connect, harmony, endings, prepare yourself

all have different meanings now

I ask myself, which tribe am I in... Am I building my tribe?

Community.

I have to retrain my thoughts but my written words read I have to retain my thoughts.

I don't

The constant self-talk, retaining memories, reminding myself of those hurtful memories over and over again can't be healthy for anyone

This is why we need not only a renewed mind but a renewed spirit.

I continue to read. I wrote about a small birdfeeder. I wonder which one I was referring too?!?! I truly don't remember. I keep reading versus going in my phone to see if I had any pictures.

Old pictures.

Why go back? The past is just that... the past, nonexistent just like the bird feeder I was speaking of that the squirrels destroyed.

There is that number 3 again. I had written I see three birds.

I did a countdown, 321. I think of how recently I've been seeing 123.

Reverse.

Is life a game of UNO?

Reverse it back to me...

I had written their vs here - but surely I had to have meant there

It's something in my eyes... I think what is it that I can't see? or maybe my hands are just dirty because I did get a package off of the porch, rubbing my eyes... let me go wash my hands

Pink Eye.

Flood watch.

Let me order some food before this shit hits... I gotta get my ass back in the kitchen - Future says.

I wonder if that is why the birds haven't really been out. Is it because of the rain that is coming?

I continue to read 2010 Just Wright. My laptop drops and closes out of the network. I opened it back up and an article I was trying to see earlier but thought I had missed it for forever appeared... Why are mushrooms appearing in your yard?

I wanted to see what the logical reason because remember I can make anything religious, or maybe they'd say spiritual

I don't know what it is... but

Animism, hits the nail on the head

3:33pm I hear the birds now... let me refill the feeder.

On my way back inside I see a feather. Messages.

I believe it's a feather from a mourning dove.

I say thank you for the feather. The message from above. I wash my hands. I kept help but think what part of me is going to be healed because of this post... what message am I about to learn.

Before I go back to the 2010 Just Wright I decided to take notice of the oracles I pulled this morning -

When you allow yourself to imagine wildly, worlds of worlds are created.

I tip the scales of balance in my favour.

It's a bird, it looks (my phone dings) like the feather that was in my yard. It reads: Let your connection with Spirit ground you as you reach for the sky. There are new worlds out there.

Three of Swords reversed.

I got this same card when I was in Miami except it wasn't reversed. It was upright - heartbreak, separation, sadness, grief, sorrow, upset, loss, trauma, tears

I said hump this has to be my baby daddy because I think I wasn't sure though... I think he was trying to flirt with me. Again, I want to look at the date but I tell myself it's in the past. However, this past is in my future so I feel like the date matters, but it doesn't... my left eye twitches. What the hell does that even mean?!?! I don't bother to look.

I realize my first instinct was to look not a unknown source on google telling me what they believe and eye twitch means but the date I went to the store in Miami and pulled a tarot card... trust your instincts they tell us, so I did I look for pictures and I didn't google eye twitching

May 10th my eldest niece's birthday, her 21st

My sister and I haven't always been the best of friends, but we've always been a unit when it came to her kids. I see how hard she works for her children to give them what they want even when she doesn't have it to give... this is a trait I admire about her, about all women...

at least those in my life

Affirm: I am a good mother.

even those that don't have kids because essentially being a good mother is a role you play

and some of you all are playing your Position (I think back to the article last night)

I think of all the women, those of us that are still little girls in adult bodies

when I say little girls I mean those with the wounds from any age that walk around daily with the wound - sometimes you have bandage, sometimes it falls off, sometimes you need help bandaging it up, other times it stays on, or you're able to bandage it up yourself, and then one day it finally heals but you don't forget it's there so at times it may feel a little tender a little sore but

keep going

The female cardinal appears. The first time I clocked her appearance was at 4:04pm, my mother's old K-Mart clock number.

404 palindrome number

what's going on with this reversal?

and now it wants to be 4:24pm

Seriously!

Hey Siri what's the definition of reverse?

move backward, inside out, a setback, opposite side or face to the observer

I said that last one again - the opposite side or face to the observer

and I just now remember, plans... plans to get together with my two friends from elementary

I could motion to make the call now but shit the entire day has passed and not to be an asshole but I don't feel like it

My legs swing over the sunken place.

She looked lost like she didn't know what was going on or which way to go but as a queen she had to decide, it was clear what she was used too, what she was used to being there was gone or at least part of it was

I love my friends and I hope they love me, as-is with no warranty.

You just never know when it's going to completely breakdown on ya but something just won't let you get rid of it

222

I read it in my own voice. I laugh because who's voice would it be?

"Tikisha you're at the end of something"

Your head. Crown. End of something. Reverse was move backward.

Reset.

I just way and article about Aaliyah today oh shit I never saw what mushroom meant, that tab was still open on my computer -

The underground portion of the mushrooms feed on decaying wood, old tree stumps

once the bottom of the mushrooms have decomposed the wood their food source is gone and they disappear

I wanted a more magickal explanation that that but ok, science

I've lived here a long time and I've never noticed mushrooms until recently... I wonder if it's just because I wasn't paying attention

We have to pay attention to things, to details

I love a pay attention to detail friend... whew,

Mr. Attention to detail where are you?

4:44pm

I hear you always take care of me.

I smile.

I can let that go!

It's a damn bug that keeps flying to my eye! At least that mystery is solved.

I keep reading my blog post

angles are the space withing two lines or there or more planes diverging from a common point. Diverging is going in different directions; separating.

I was struggling to be heard and I know she was too.

Community.

You draw, it's your turn.

Lions Fans email pops up on my phone, right when I was thinking about pulling a card but I pulled a card already... addictions come easily.

I keep reading.

649 Well Done.

Reading this I realize I thought I knew the meaning of tons of words...

Growth. Correction.

Most definitely a Twin Flame

I put that fire out

no more shadow

no more doubt

I read it over and over

I cannot trust you if you do not trust yourself.

The real will be revealed and the fake will dissipate with harm to none.

Truth is, I'm skimming now... I am getting bored. If I'm bored what will others think.

Refrain. Retrain.

Community.

I wanted to go before him on your behalf. I think of my praying friends. I think of how we are praying for our husbands while reading Proverbs during the month of July

I skim to be back to me talking about the movie... I notice some typos and try to make sense of them, if there is a deeper meaning some resonated others I chose not to let it resonate. Harm to none.

All that and I didn't even write as much about Just Wright as I thought I did... the name of that blog is not good but hey... "it is what it is"

Divine Connection it didn't matter who thought they were in the way

Morgan, Insecurities

What was meant to be ... be

just imagined if he had gotten to know her from meeting her at the gas station

he had to suffer an injury and loss a finance to see his divine counterpart was right there

at the gas station

when the delay was destiny ...missed opportunities.

Affirm: I decree and declare no more missed opportunities.

Message from the Universe:

If people are gossiping about you or spreading rumors don't fall for it. No one is worth lowering your vibration for. Let it move through you. See it for what it is, which is a reflection of their pain rather than the result of your actions

I start reading Proverbs 9

vs 7-9 repeatedly

Religion Spirituality

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom:

and the knowledge of the Holy is understanding

fear of the Lord, Who is my Lord

established

wisdom

knowledge of the Holy, Whos is my Spirit

understanding

on going

learning

A foolish woman is loud

Inexperienced enter here

to the one who lacks sense, inexperienced

departed spirits are there, in the depths of hell

Wisdom.

I revisit this morning's verse but I read the entire Chapter

Ezekiel 37

I speak life into my life.

those dead dry bones, renewed

power of the tongue

prophesy

A permanent covenant.