Alignment

What is alignment? What are signs and synchronicities? Where did they come from? How do I know one and two are the same? What does one and two even mean... Growing up I don't remember my mother detailing what signs were - I know I heard "its a sign" and I for sure heard ask God and I was told He would tell me.

How does He tell me? What does He tell me?

I'm turning 48 years old and I still can't answer that question and you call yourself a Life Coach, nah sis a Spiritual Coach - are you even spiritual? Isn't this Spirituality 101.

I never pictured living the American Dream. I thought I would live lavish as a single woman with one son life in Manhattan, New York. Then I remember living in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and Grosse Pointe, Michigan. Moral - mind changed or did it, did life just happen to me and not fore me. I didn't want to be married, but I wanted a son. Odd. Depressing, especially since I deprived my son of a two parent household. I wanted to be a doctor.

Today, I'm a single mother of one son. I am not a doctor. However, there is healing in having a spiritual coach in your life. I guess this is where this journal comes into play - this is how I am documenting my life in real time - with or without typos, certainly improper grammar and spelling.

Oh, today is 02/23/2024 its around 12:48pm EST.

The last few weeks I have been haunted by what am I supposed to do with my life. I've been seeing 222 a lot - if you follow our podcast I said it on the episode released today #8

8 Abundance

YouTube - Kolorflow Conversations

I said it again on the episode I recorded yesterday.

222 Balance, Alignment

This is when I start writing because what the fuck?!?! Balance. Libra. Scales. I think about the cards I pulled for myself this morning.

Are you kidding me?

#5 Balance my card of the day no lie!

Ok so 222 = Balance

so cool I'm in alignment, right?

Now you are asking the right questions?

I hear still on C. I am feeling a bit uncomfortable. I check to see where those words were coming from but it was too late... they were gone...

I just saw 222 again

Balance

Now hearing "C" got me questioning my whole entire existence

I sound dumb, clueless

I regroup then I think

I woke up one morning and knew without a shadow of a doubt I had started speaking differently, over my own life - this wasn't something I fantasized about it was something I knew

or I thought I knew, knew it to be true

Was that God? Was that my own voice? Should I listen to my own voice? I guess this is why she told me I had different personalities.

True or False

Can the cards answer that? Can they send a sign for that? Have they already sent signs? I am exhausted. The thoughts inside of my head. I think I can handle your demons and these thoughts - sounding pretty cocky, confident or am just it - the chosen. Ok pop that. Talk you shit.

How am I so good with my clients but fail myself? Do I believe or not? Fraud. Where ya at?

It's at this moment you see a purple shirt.

Average. Pop Star.

I didn't ask for him... I didn't pray for him... or did I? I prayed - wait I pray for my husband.

If God told me, did God tell him? Who knew first? Tikisha do you even know or is this fake confidence. Is fake it until you make it a real thing? The fake it to make it concept. You have to start somewhere - maybe it's not faking it's just about starting and not stopping.

It has to be more though, right? Fuck this.

I say I don't overthink. I don't know what this shit is called.

If man was created first then came eve - if you date younger are you made of his rib?

Are we all made of the same rib no matter the age? Y'all where did we come from?

Ok a sign is a sign

Because make it make sense - I never asked you for this, for him I simply wanted a good man

I thought a good man was a man that showed up, you know came home at night

I thought a good man was a man that paid all of the bills

I thought a good man was a man that was a protector

You gave me a name... Heaven gave me a name... a sign is a sign and no way he's a "good man"

He's so much more

I don't even think I knew what protector meant... I am a protector, but my man my man my man's qualities of being a protector will not be the same as mine nor will they be anything I've ever experienced in this lifetime - I want more.

I have all these dictionaries next to me one is my mother's from high school one is from the year I was born YEAR OF THE DRAGON and the other one is from either 2023 or 2024.

Nevertheless, I don't even know if I'm using that right LOL

I just be wanting to say nevertheless

I don't feel like looking up any definitions so I'm not which is doing myself a disservice because can I really heal if I don't know what it means?

I think my very first assignment is to learn how to talk to myself.

Tikisha, speak life over yourself.

Let me look this word up and I need to look up alignment...

I am going to look up heal first. I want to heal my mother and all the women before me at the same dame time through how I carry myself, I want to heal the prior and forthcoming bloodlines of goddesses while the men in my life heal the gods and future gods on this earth.

Heal in my mother's dictionary mean simply "TO GET"

Balance in present day means "a steady position"

There is a picture of a bald eagle on the next column, same page

same page

I remember seeing a big ass bird in the sky the other day that I just knew it was an eagle but as my mother would say "irregardless" I saw one today for sure on TV so I saw an eagle

Twice now two times

the number 2 again

Spiritually speaking Eagle = Vision

I get excited again. Alignment right? Hell if I know. I'm back confused.... My vision is blurred.

You couldn't of known what I did for this starts playing

I wish you could feel all my mama's pain ? is that what he said

that hit....

My family has no clue what I would do for them, for generations to come

In 1976 alignment meant arrangement or position in a straight line.

I'll stop there arrangement.

When I see things happen in other words a sign is the sign I will know that I am in alignment - that those signs and synchronicities I am seeing

ketchup

STILL facebook

following me

behind

after, literally

let the will be known open the gate fire burns wood

cancer canceled

dancing with yourself

be careful

St. Lucia

I hear... mad, it's been over a year

girl I'll let you count

Okay so as I was saying the protector may think it's a protector but it's failing because what it's protecting is not speaking up saying they don't feel protected

I may only feel protected when receiving 5 phone calls or text messages a day

or

I may feel like I only need the please tell me

once a day call

Sir, I don't need to talk all day... please cultivate

the great debate

Communication.

We need to allow everyone in our lives directly and indirectly the ability to communicate their specific needs without being judged... in a perfect world.

I care enough to learn your love language, both sides of you... the give or take the give and receive the yin yang the masculine feminine the light dark

and in my case the shadow

Sunday Service.

cheat and take him back, better you than me

Lip Service. Virgin. Clown.

Greater than Less than

Hell I still do it. JUDGE. I'm sure it's human nature. I don't know if it's something you can or should stop - if I don't have anything to measure against how do I get to the top or do you believe there is no top or that there is no bottom but a bottom is measurable - food, no food, hungry, no appetite

present moment is for sure a greater than - hungry, food, nothingI want to eat, driver let's go eat

Options

Spiritual. Protector. A Gentleman. Provider. Lover Boy. and so much more

a Superhero like me

The voice. I can hear the voice. Do I listen to the voice? or just listen...

hear, listen, understand

communicate

A Win is a Win? I guess.... if you say so... it's measured by the prize

the price you or him the prize you or him

can you both carry a trophy if there is only one

duo uno

we are one

I Won me a trophy. period, end of sentence

Today I feel protected. I feel as though everyone that I love knows my door is open to discuss any and everything, within reason.

Opportunity. Assertive. Yes. Diving Timing. Believe.

Ok, check mark. Next. Star. Mermaid. Water. Siren. King. Cups. Goin Dummy.

Get mo money than my ancestors.

For my ancestors.

I got it I'm protected. I'm a protected. I love myself. I am beautiful. I got it - go time.

Where is the champagne? Where are the celebrations? The orange candle burned down.

I live a life of ease and joy.

Read Job.

There is not an American Dream.

Girl, you too American voting republican to not even be an American. Egyptian.

Where do I go now? Today

#414

create, reality

Married with kids, created or co-created

They say move in silence

I know I talk too much

Fucking with a mogul... keep quiet

When you say it aloud you'll get the evil eye

it goes on and on and on

I decree and declare

Can I only talk about something once I have experienced it? Can I talk about something while I am going through it? Can I talk about something I haven't even experienced?

The one thing about being a Banks, you're a rebel... The end. Sneaky.

I will talk about what I want. I'm thinking alignment, much, change, a lot.

How many factors go in to alignment? We talk about free will - but is my will strong enough to change a situation in my favor or is it really just free will? Screaming - What is free will!!!! but with a question mark

Again, what the fuck is any of this. This is why I don't talk. This is why I write. I don't know what this is - spiritual or religion so stop asking me because I am done asking myself I'm just me...

I just know I believe so many things because of what I've seen

and I'm learning to believe to see so many things because of what I've seen

Brain keep it simple. Alignment changes based on your own belief. What you believe so strongly without a shadow of a doubt is what you co-create for your life. Alignment may not change, the path just may get longer and the signs & synchronicities change... is any of this even real? Is life even real?

this man, his stance

chance trance South of France

trying to stay out of the penitentiary

safe

you and me our turn of the century

safe

in her, Miss America

no be in me sounding like a damn pick me

no guarantee

we won't disagree

I take a plea

to be your trustee

yup... it's because of me that you in custody

As I was saying the dream changes... mistakes happen for us to learn lessons - I guess hell I don't know if life of no lessons would be boring or not, no clue. I think I would be ok, I like boredom, boredom to me is freedom...

What is freedom to you? Can you picture freedom? I couldn't. I thought my vision was clear then I realized with everything positive thought I had there was a negative.

I said things like he'll marry me and he'll cheat

men are dogs, yes they are loyal

some men don't cheat, yes this is true

keep it simple, back to the basics

don't overthink, rethink

bullseye but I don't cry

truth is you're still a stranger in my eye

I'm the type to go after B

would you settle for me still acting like a pick me

nope you still smash on C

greater than less than

Suzanne Dianne Marianne sir what's the plan

women individual here's a visual

don't act like a criminal

it's okay to be traditional

love

I love you and I'm not going back!

Home.

Fear. My vision is so clear. Vivid. Real.

Vegas. Poker. Pills.

Priscilla was 10 years younger than Elvis?

Cougar or Sugar?

How does this love thing work... your forever person goes? Who truly wants to be alone?

I remember walking in the park. The cars, the engines, the music...

I wanted him bilingual

does it make sense

translator

clear... it was him and not you

wide awake

rest better than the rest

happy relaxed calm not thinking about the alarms

surrounded by signs, videos, layoffs

Chanel. Music. Guitar. EP

Save Me.

I keep doing what I've been doing, no change

wide awake

changing... delusionally

I can't believe I am really here

Be Live Hear

no strangers, no family, no friends, isolation

ridiculed am I am fool, a fool for love

A pink car, start thinking

I think it's time I pray. I'll study Job.

I'm still here... writing, more like thinking.

I'm watching more movies.

More information. Less processing.

compassion

ration

passion

action

fashion

assassin

attraction

satisfaction

dragon

I'll wait for you

outside with the nuns

who really want sum

add it up run it up

confront

ok I won't front

I'm on a hunt for your love

I hear the problem... you can't play without winning

greater than less than

are all things created equal

What does favor ain't fair even mean?

Why are the chosen, chosen? Because they accepted, the position.

I chuckle. A voice. I love a voice. I always have... Is it time I love a voice or be a voice?

Do I need the voice... literally do I need the voice... I listen to it every day... but do I need it

Do I need the voice? Is the voice my own? His own?

Do I need to use my voice by speaking my voice? Spiraling.

I am addicted to the voice. I need the voice. Oh my God I love his voice.

What happens when you're addicted? Has the addiction created an illusion?

FATHER GOD! Allow me to rest, my mind body and soul. You take the lead.

The full moon....................................................................................................... release

They say confusion is of the devil, not realizing sometimes we are the "devil" - creator of our own confusion.

Again, what is alignment? Solutions. Stay Ready! Three steps ahead.

The full-time mortgage "career" living the "American Dream". A home. Mortgage. Debt. Fairy Garden but no garden. Water hose but no waterfront view. A family - well, unmarried woman - a son. A dog - who died. Credit. Debt. 8 hours 5 days a week, day to day, asking for paid time off, completing self-reviews knowing you're mad when I rate myself... highly... when I should think of myself... highly... first... even if it's a current state of delulu I rate myself less because I know you think that is best... I don't have time for the podcast. I don't have time to nurture my gifts. I don't have time to relax, to sleep in. It's not flexible it's a schedule. I have time to work, nap, eat, sleep... maybe run an errand. I have time to pay bills. I have money to afford my bills.

Is this the life I want to live? Alignment?

am I going to be here or not? Why do you keep sending me away...

aggressive possessive defensive attentive apprehensive hypertensive

am I going to be here or not? The silence. The tears. The silent tears.

will I face my fears

as an underwriter my instinct says - that depends

do I create my own brand

greater than less than

what's the equation

the answer is always inside the problem

solutions no confusions

Tikisha you are eligible for good things. You deserve good things. You can have good things.

good is good period end of discussion

trust God, not yourself

Bingo - it's the same

A new level unlocked... I can't foretell the future, I can read the signs

A sign is a sign

Duffy. Tantalizing.

rest because you can... work less because that's your current situation... wait because you have no choice... live because you're alive... birds. cats. dragons. slay. all day, every day. you're okay.

one. day. at. a. time. lux and leisure.

CEO bachelor no license

still the boss of you

you doing what I say do

not because you have to but because you want to

because you're used to being in rearview

ahead of me is the key the opportunity

2016 was just a dream I remember

as clear as last November

what Jay Z said I sing it in my head

my swag different that bag different

my nigga dat nigga I brag different

my baby lav I dream in color

that too much flavor go head suck it

goofy, goofy

Got it Tikisha - review, rearview, behind me

stabbed in the back

HT Telegraph

planned a ceremony Ashwagandha

keep going knowing

no matter the statistics numbers change

strange deranged

in exchange for fame which was never my aim

I just wanted your last name

for my life I agreed to become your wife

here we go again greater than less than

be ready steady not petty

stop spending fetty like it's confetti

be my teddy show me how you like heady laying in the beddy

sing a lullaby on how you nullify your toxic alibi

Turn Yo Clic Up

feeling like puffy and russ

shit I quit

I mean I am a tourist

I don't belong here

low self-esteem

Start over.

I am grateful I woke up.

I am grateful my family woke up.

I am grateful I had the flexibility to lay in bed, while having a headache.

I am grateful for a new mattress.

I am grateful for the chirping birds.

I am grateful for the stray cat, Mable.

I am grateful for the safe travels of my loved ones.

I am grateful for God's grace and mercy.

I am grateful for the setbacks.

I am grateful for the set ups.

I am grateful for laughter.

Time is not real. Yet and still it is real

I can convince myself the past is not real, but time - time is real

I feel like I am running out of time

God I can't make any more decisions my brain is bedridden

I read my Sweet Tart - smart leader ...candy, a divination tool

art, classy, savvy, art, global

God you are my leader, guide me show me what you designed for me

Family, Health, Wealth

Ease & Joy Galore

I cry like Andi but I'm not acting nor am I talking to my sistas

I am tired of waiting

not looking but ready to be found

levels to this... love, the feeling love, the action love, the reaction love

all areas, all aspects

love for life just not for a man, a friend,

it's not just about a man, my husband it's about me you see

I am she.

black & white, roses & pink, yin & yang

I can see it vividly

in my own basement

Tikisha. Daughter of the Most High God. A goddess. An earth angel. A daughter. A sister. A cousin. A mother. An aunt. A wife. A lady of luxury and leisure. She creates. Narrates. She dictates. She enjoys plates in different states. Buying estates alongside her mate. Praying for grace as her stomach inflates. Life is Good. Her existence by itself, gives a life of abundance. I heard words cast spells ok well my magick is worked with harm to none so mote it be it is done.

I be blacking out... la di da di da

Heal = to get.

I am healed. Mask off.

We always knew she would wear a black dress. However, if I'm being honest with myself we well I wondered where was she wearing that back dress to? I knew it wasn't a funeral, that never crossed my mind. A wedding. I can barely even say it aloud. A wedding. This bitch is getting married.

H, on set

Allow