Chapter 48 Silence is Agreement so I’m talking misconceptions …dear diary

Heavenly Father,

I’m struggling. I’m mourning.

I know the deceased is with me.

I am her. I am my mother’s joy. Our love never ends.

It started with us. Firstborn.

I’m tired of the lessons. I want to live in peace. A life of ease and joy.

Joy in the mourning.

Am I creating this pain inside of me?

I ask myself …is it really me?

Choice. Choose. Chosen.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

You don’t need any help you can do it all by yourself but when you don’t understand… you get confused.  …you can’t do it alone

I get confused.

I heard it again …God is not a God of confusion.

Lord, I just want to win again.

Am I supposed to fast?

Have you ever been in the wilderness?

I have. I’m standing in there now but my body is physically somewhere else.

Typing.

Jesus in the Wilderness: A Spiritual Symbolic Journey

After Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist, the Holy Spirit descended upon Him like a dove (Matthew 3:16), symbolizing spiritual awakening, divine connection, and God’s approval. This marked the beginning of His spiritual mission. Immediately afterward, the Spirit led Him into the wilderness. The wilderness is a desolate, isolated place. In spiritual terms, the wilderness represents a season of transformation, spiritual initiation, and preparation for a greater purpose. It is where earthly comforts are stripped away, leaving only reliance on divine guidance.

Jesus fasted for 40 days and 40 nights, a sacred number symbolizing spiritual renewal and completion (as seen in Noah’s 40 days of rain and Israel’s 40 years in the desert). In this weakened physical state, He faced three powerful spiritual temptations each representing a key challenge on the path to spiritual mastery.

1. The Temptation of Physical Need: Stones into Bread

“If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” (Matthew 4:3)

Symbolism:

Stones represent spiritual lessons and hardships. Bread symbolizes basic sustenance and earthly fulfillment. Satan tempted Jesus to focus on the material world, to solve His immediate hunger through His divine power, thereby misusing His gift for personal gain.

Spiritual Lesson:

Sometimes, life tempts you to abandon your spiritual journey when faced with lack or hardship. Jesus reminds you that spiritual nourishment comes from God’s Word trusting divine timing and provision rather than forcing outcomes.

“Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.”(Matthew 4:4)

Crystals

Crystals are formed under intense pressure deep within the earth. A perfect metaphor for spiritual growth through life’s wilderness seasons. Like Jesus emerging from the desert stronger, my use of crystals symbolizes my resilience and the energy I draw from Spirit to rise stronger after every challenge.

I wear 12 crystals bracelets, all reminding me of God’s promises.

🪄 Exodus 28:17-20 (KJV)

“And thou shalt set in it settings of stones, even four rows of stones: the first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and a carbuncle: this shall be the first row.”

Meaning: This verse describes the High Priest’s breastplate, adorned with 12 precious stones representing the 12 tribes of Israel. The stones symbolized divine connection, spiritual authority, and protection.

Revelation 21:19-21 (KJV)

“And the foundations of the wall of the city were garnished with all manner of precious stones.”

Meaning: The New Jerusalem is described as being built with precious stones like jasper, sapphire, emerald, and amethyst, symbolizing spiritual purity, divine glory, and eternal protection.

What stone have you turned into bread?

My stones are still stones.

Gemstones were used symbolically in

biblical times for divine protection, beauty, and spiritual authority.

Crystals in many modern technologies, prove their value beyond spiritual practices. Quartz, for example, powers watches, clocks, and electronics due to its ability to generate electric charges…a perfect parallel to its symbolic meaning of clarity and alignment in spiritual work.

Diamonds, known for their unmatched hardness, are used in industrial tools like drills and cutting devices, symbolizing strength and resilience.

Silicon, derived from quartz, is the foundation of computer chips and smartphones, making modern communication possible, much like how it represents clear energy flow in spiritual practices.

Salt crystals play a role in health and wellness, as seen in Himalayan salt lamps believed to purify air and uplift moods. Medical devices sometimes use therapeutic crystals like tourmaline to relieve pain and improve circulation, reinforcing the connection between natural elements and holistic healing.

Sapphire are integral to advanced technologies like lasers and optical lenses, symbolizing precision and insight.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

2. The Temptation of Fame & Validation: Throw Yourself Down

“If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down. For it is written: ‘He will command His angels concerning you.’” (Matthew 4:6)

Symbolism: Being placed at the top of the temple represents being placed on a spiritual pedestal… seeking recognition, fame, or external validation. The temptation here is to prove oneself by performing a dramatic miracle, testing God’s protection for public approval.

Spiritual Lesson:

When faced with the temptation of recognition, remember that true power is rooted in faith, humility, and purpose. You don’t need to prove what God has already affirmed. Authentic spiritual authority flows naturally when you are aligned with divine will.

“Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” (Matthew 4:7)

Candles & Incense

Candles and incense have long been symbolic tools in spiritual practices, not for show but for focus, reverence, and intentional prayer. Candles represent illumination, divine presence, and spiritual awakening, much like how Jesus remained spiritually lit even in the darkest wilderness. Incense symbolizes prayers rising to Heaven, cleansing energy, and creating sacred space. In the temple, priests burned incense as an offering, reflecting humanity’s connection to the divine through intentional practice.

I light incense.

I light my candle when I pray.

I light my candle when I read.

I light my candle when I watch television.

I whisper “Spirit lead the way”.

As the smoke rises, I watch my faith “rise”. The candles burn brightly, reminding me that my light shines regardless of how many people see it.

🪄Exodus 30:8 (KJV)

“And when Aaron lighteth the lamps at even, he shall burn incense upon it, a perpetual incense before the LORD throughout your generations.”

Meaning: Burning incense was a sacred act of continual offering, symbolizing constant prayer and spiritual presence.

Revelation 8:3-4 (KJV)

“And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense… And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel’s hand.”

Meaning: Incense symbolizes prayers reaching the divine, just as lighting a candle today can symbolize illuminating hope, love, or memory.

Lighting candles and burning incense represent trust in divine provision, offering prayers and intentions as symbols of surrender and spiritual alignment. Even when you can’t see what’s ahead, the flame reminds you that light is always present, just as divine guidance never leaves you in darkness.

How do you “light your inner candle” when faced with challenges? Are you showing your light for others’ approval or letting it shine because you trust in your divine calling?

Social media has become a symbolic “pinnacle of the temple,” offering visibility, influence, and instant validation but also the temptation to measure self-worth through likes, shares, and comments. It can lead to performative spirituality, where people display curated versions of their spiritual journeys for approval rather than genuine growth.

Are you living authentically or performing for approval? Are you creating for divine purpose or chasing visibility? Consider how you can “light your inner candle” without the need for external validation.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

3. The Temptation of Worldly Power: Bow Down for Earthly Gain

“All this I will give you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me.” (Matthew 4:9)

Symbolism: Satan offered worldly kingdoms, riches, and control, symbolizing the illusion of material power and dominance. Bowing to this temptation would mean forsaking divine purpose for earthly status and wealth. Jesus stood firm, knowing that faith doesn’t require performance or public proof.

Spiritual Lesson:

This is the temptation to abandon spiritual integrity for worldly success. Jesus reminds you that your true power comes from being aligned with Spirit. Nothing on Earth compares to spiritual sovereignty and divine purpose.

“Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only.’”(Matthew 4:10)

Tarot Cards

Tarot can be understood as a means of control, using tarot as a spiritual tool to guide you when the ego demands immediate answers or validation.

Tikisha. 711. My repeated encounters with 711 weren’t just coincidences. They were personal signs, synchronicities meant to awaken my spiritual gift. I was guided to tarot, just as others are guided to different spiritual practices, because my heart was open to receiving. Spirit uses what resonates with each of us individually.

Isaiah 7:11 (KJV)

“Ask thee a sign of the Lord thy God; ask it either in the depth, or in the height above.”

This verse affirms that seeking signs from God is not inherently wrong. In fact, it acknowledges that divine messages come through many forms. The cards don’t predict the future but instead offer insight, helping me connect the dots and recognize the signs God is already sending.

The key is how and why we seek.

Are we demanding proof out of doubt, or are we staying open to Spirit’s guidance with humility and trust?

Much like how Isaiah encouraged asking for a sign, using tarot can be a sacred tool when your heart is aligned with truth and spiritual openness. It’s not about controlling outcomes or testing God.

For me, instead of seeking control or instant gratification, tarot became Spirit’s map… my personal GPS… the symbols, patterns, and messages placed on my path, a way for me to reflect on spiritual lessons, a reminder to pause, reflect, and realign with my higher self.

🪄 1 Samuel 28:6 (KJV): “And when Saul inquired of the Lord, the Lord answered him by dreams, by Urim, and by prophets.”

This verse illustrates how spiritual tools such as dreams, divine objects, and even prophetic readings were valid ways of receiving guidance.

Exodus 28:30 (KJV): “And thou shalt put in the breastplate of judgment the Urim and the Thummim; and they shall be upon Aaron’s heart.”

The Urim and Thummim were sacred tools used by priests for divine insight, symbolizing how earthly objects can hold spiritual significance when used with pure intention.

Clearly, the line between seeking clarity and demanding control can be thin.

If tarot becomes a way to force outcomes or bypass divine timing, its purpose is lost. However, when used with intention, it can mirror spiritual lessons and bring deeper understanding of life’s challenges.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

Spirit guided me toward tarot because I am/was ready to receive insight in a form I could interpret and trust.

God’s provision often comes through the tools we are most receptive to just as Moses had his staff and prophets received visions, I was led to tarot as a means of spiritual communication.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

I once said:

I get confused.

I heard it again …God is not a God of confusion.

Lord, I just want to win again.

God is not a God of confusion, but of peace and divine order (1 Corinthians 14:33).

It isn’t confusion from Spirit, but rather a moment of spiritual stretching a transition where clarity comes through lessons, even when things feel uncertain.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

I tell myself: In order to complete the assignment you must understand the lesson. When you understand the lesson you understand the assignment.

The teacher must be qualified.

Imagine a child going to school every day. They sit through lessons, hear the teacher explain the material, and even take notes. But when they get home, they’re stuck on their homework. Their parent asks, “Didn’t you go to school today?”

The truth is, attending school alone doesn’t guarantee learning, just as being gifted alone doesn’t guarantee spiritual mastery. You can show up, but if you’re not actively engaging, reflecting, and applying what you’ve learned, the knowledge remains incomplete.

Readers,

Being gifted is our assignment from God, but in order to complete that assignment, you must learn the lessons tied to your gift. Just as students are expected to apply what they learn on homework and tests, spiritual gifts require application, growth, and spiritual integrity. Without these, the gift can become misunderstood, misused, or even feared by others.

Fear

I fear God.

I use my gifts from God because I fear God.

I am using what my creator gave me.

He is my teacher. God is my everything.

A student using their skills for good… science, mathematics, art, or even writing brings light into the world. Likewise, using spiritual tools with divine purpose and pure intent aligns with God’s will. When you apply what you’ve learned from Spirit, you are not working against Spirit.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you find yourself tempted to seek validation through external recognition, remember that true spiritual authority flows naturally through alignment with divine purpose. You don’t need to perform, prove, or seek applause when you’re living authentically. What’s real will resonate.

Much like Jesus at the temple, you don’t need to “jump” for validation. Spiritual authenticity isn’t about broadcasting perfection but embracing the process, even when the journey isn’t publicly acknowledged.

Jesus didn’t need the crowd’s approval or to prove His worth through spectacle. His purpose was already established by God.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

I learned a lot from Jesus today.

My protector.

The Holy Trinity finally makes sense to me now… my friend told me why Jesus came and I was like I don’t get it…like I get it but I don’t but I do. Supernatural.

Savior. My sin.

Reflection of Men. Christlike.

It’s time for me to win. Again and again.

I repent of my sins.

God make me a better woman.

I don’t need to fast for 40 days but I need to stay in my Bible everyday.

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

When you understand your assignment!

Objects themselves are not inherently demonic. So what is? The intent behind their use that matters. Tools become extensions of the energy we carry. It is the heart, mind, and purpose of the individual that determines whether something is used for good or harm.

This is why I say I don’t read your future; I guide you to it. The temptation to prove one’s power by forcing divine intervention represents the human desire for control, validation, and instant reassurance.

Sometimes, we’re tempted to demand answers or validation when we feel uncertain. We may want to know what comes next or see tangible signs of progress. Jesus’ response teaches that faith means trusting the process, even when life feels uncertain, and resisting the need for constant reassurance. I only know what the Holy Spirit allows me to know. I’m not psychic, I simply hear from The Most High God.

all this is the carry over from

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/Pp27b8bF5NXjxqir/?

I asked for a sign, I was sincere and stubborn. I was genuine. I simply wanted to do only what God wanted of me…

that was it

I was tired of getting it wrong.

I am tried of getting it wrong.

Today as I kneeled on my knees and prayed I asked God to forgive me of anything that I have done, am doing, will do that is displeasing in His eyes.  Save me.

My calling doesn’t need to be announced, explained, or justified.

For me, journaling is like doing spiritual homework it’s where I reflect, process, and connect deeper with my truths. It’s not about convincing others, it’s about sharing what I’ve learned from Spirit.

I wish my mother lived to see this version of me… and the woman I’m becoming. I haven’t even met that version of me and I admire her so much… but I wonder does this version of me only exist because my mom doesn’t?

Her love, presence, her departure became catalysts for my transformation.

Me stepping fully into my spiritual gifts, embracing my calling, and building my legacy is still deeply connected to her. She’s intertwined in every part of my journey, not just in memory but in Spirit. I carry her wisdom, her strength, and her love in ways I do not even realize.

I became this because she lives on through me.

I am my mother’s joy.